First of all, this is not a post about Miss E. Secondly, this isn’t a post about X number of steps to magically calm a tantrum (secret: there aren’t any). Third, if you haven’t seen this week’s episode of Doctor Who, “The Zygon Inversion”, you may be able to infer spoilers from this post even though I’m not really discussing the plot. Fourth, I do include some steps for dealing with a tantrum, but it may not be what you expect.
At one point, near the climax of the episode, the phrase “tantruming child” comes up. We’ve all seen it. A child doesn’t get their way and various displays of irrational behavior ensue, mostly of the anger variety. Which means, of course, that we’ve all seen plenty of ways and theories on how to deal with tantrums. I’m not going to lie: I’m still figuring out the whole tantruming child thing. And I don’t mean Miss E.
The Tantruming Child
At one point, the Doctor asks the “tantruming child” for what they want. Immediately, after getting an answer, he all but spits it back in their face and rather pointed states that “like every other tantruming child, you don’t know what you want.”
Is that true?
At first glance, that seems not entirely correct. Of course a tantruming child knows what they want. However, there might be a nugget of wisdom here. One of the first things we learned in Economics is that people don’t want a good or service for the sake of possessing it. We want what we want because of the benefits we think it will bring to us. Except, we don’t always know what those “benefits” will be.
In this respect, children aren’t any different. They see something they want. They think it will bring about a certain result, and then they pitch a fit when they don’t get it. Now replace the word “children” with “humans.” Read it again.
The Bible repeatedly refers to Christians as “children of God.” Not “adults of God” or “trustees of God” or “knights of God” or some other name. Children.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Jesus told us that we must have faith like a child. He told us that the Father cares for us as children. Paul and John referred to people they had discipled as children. There’s nothing wrong with child-likeness.
But even as adults, we still struggle with that inner tantruming child. Think about it. What do we do when we don’t get our way? Complain about God. Complain about each other. We get jealous. We pout (which is just a quiet tantrum, really). We sabotage. We try to get what we want some other way — with all of its unintended consequences and heartache. We’re just a bit more subtle than throwing ourselves on the floor.
Watching the Doctor talk down a “tantruming child” made me think about my own trigger points. What causes me to sulk? What causes me to act bitter? What is my reaction to God withholding something from me? Ultimately, they all come down to a lack of faith. The whole “waiting on God” thing grates against my desire for instant gratification. And the anger? Well, it just clouds my vision and generally prevents me from making any semblance of a good choice.
So What Do I Do When I Feel It Coming On?
- Allow myself to feel the anger, disappointment, etc.
- Pinpoint what exactly angered/disappointed me.
- Don’t allow myself to feel the anger, disappointment, etc. indefinitely.
- Pray (With an attitude of “Not my will, but Yours be done” and a view of God’s sovereignty).
- Repent often and as needed (My anger is most often my fault).
- Forgive (Even if they didn’t do anything wrong or don’t need to be forgiven).
And I think to myself quite often: If I can keep doing this myself, maybe I can teach Miss E and her (hopefully someday) future siblings the same.
Man, this self-control thing is hard.